Things a Southerner Should Know

* Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep".
* There are 5,000 types of snakes; 4,998 live in Texas.
* There are 10,000 types of spiders. 10,000 live in Texas.
* Armidillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.
* Racoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
* If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
* Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
* There are valid reasons some people put constatine wire around their house.
* A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
* South Texas has 5 seasons:
-Spring, Feb 16 to April 15
-Summer, April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
-Super Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees)
-Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
-Fall, Oct 2 to Dec. 1
-Winter Dec. 2 to Feb 15
There is NO rainy season (or rain).
* The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct. 2 until July 15, then it stops totally (South and SW Texas).
* "Onced" and "twiced" are words.
* It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
* Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
* If you only see one fire ant on you, then you're not looking close enough.
* Graduating 1st in your class means you left in the 8th grade.
* Coldbeer is one word.
* People actually grow and eat Okra (usually fried).
* When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.
* Green grass DOES burn.
* When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.
* The sound of coyotes howling at night is something you get used to.
* When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor.
* Fixinto is one word. (sometimes: "finta")
* A "tank" is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation. (Known elsewhere as "pond.")
* "Backards and Forards" means "thorough."
* You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
* You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
* The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
* Pretty much how many fish are in "a mess."
* What general direction catty-wampus is.
* That "gimme sugar" doesn't mean pass the sugar.
* When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.
* The difference between Yankees and damn Yankees.
* How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.
* Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits.
* A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
* Real gravy doesn't come from the store.
* When "by and by" is.
* The difference between "pert near" and "a right far piece."
* Never go snipe hunting twice.
* What happens when you swallow tobacco juice.
* Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
* You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.
* You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to anybody.
* A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.
* Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.