MARRIAGE - in four short acts

ACT I

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."

ACT II

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yelled, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah?" she replied. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'."

ACT III

A husband (a doctor) and his wife were having a fight at the breakfast table. The husband got up in a rage and said, "And you're no good in bed either," and stormed out of the house. After some time, he realized he was nasty and decides to make amends, so he called her.

She came to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband said, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She said, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early? Doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

ACT IV

A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself, that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six" despite her objections. One night, they went to a party. The man decided that it was time to go home and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six'?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouted right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."