Thoughts on Marriage

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

-------------------------------------

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

-------------------------------------

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

-------------------------------------

Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A.
The rest cheat in Canada.

-------------------------------------

A woman is incomplete until she is married.
Then she is finished.

-------------------------------------

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

-------------------------------------

Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

-------------------------------------

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."

-------------------------------------

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

-------------------------------------

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

-------------------------------------

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

-------------------------------------

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

-------------------------------------

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

-------------------------------------

First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

-------------------------------------

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex