NEW COURSES AVAILABLE FOR WOMEN

Women think they already know everything, but wait! Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects.

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait until After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem ... Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both

24. Getting ready to go out: Start the day before.

Please register immediately as courses are expected to be in great demand...

Headlines from 2030

(I have looked into my crystal ball... These are the headlines I saw...)

Ozone Created by Electric Cars Kills
Millions in World's 7th Largest Country
(Mexifornia , formally known as California)
White Minorities Still Trying to Have English
Recognized as Mexifornia's Third Language

Spotted Owl Plague Threatens NW U.S. Crops, Livestock

Baby Conceived Naturally; Scientists Stumped

Couple Petitions Court to Reinstate Heterosexual Marriage

Last Remaining Fundamentalist Muslim Dies in A.T.M.E.
("American Territory of the Middle East," formerly
known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon)

Iran Still Closed off
Physicists: Need 10 More Years for
Radioactivity to Decrease to Normal Levels

France Pleads for Global Help after Jamaica Takes Over

Castro Dies at Age 113
Cuban Cigars Now Imported Legally, Though
President Chelsea Clinton Has Banned Smoking

George Z. Bush Announces 2036 Presidential Campaign

USPS Raises First Class Rate to $17.89,
Reduces Mail Delivery to Wednesdays Only

Weight of Average American Down to 250 lbs.

Massachusetts Executes Only Remaining Conservative

Supreme Court Rules:
Punishment of Criminals Violates Civil Rights

Average Height of NBA Player:
Now Nine Feet, Seven Inches

Feds Require Registration of Weapons by Jan. 2036:
Includes Nail Clippers, Screwdrivers, Fly Swatters,
Rolled-up Newspapers, and Broken Chair Legs

Congress Authorizes Direct Deposit of Formerly Illegal
Political Contributions to Campaign Accounts

Capitol Hill Intern Indicted for
Refusing Sex with Congressman

IRS Lowers Tax Rate for Poor,
Now Set Back to 75 Percent

(All headline predictions based on current trends, not actual crystal ball.)