Polictically Correct

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "Hillbillies."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

More political correctness for referring to females:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


Boys' turn:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It 's "REAR CLEAVAGE

Bad First Date

(Submitted by Andrea Hansen)

Well, here’s a little story about a bad first date,
Ya might’ve heard it on Leno if you ever stay up late.

A day trip to the mountains to see how she could ski,
But too heavy on the latte, and she really had to pee.

Well, soon it became evident she was in a bind,
But no rest stop, food or fueling station they could find.
So he pulled to the curb and on the fender she did duck.
Relieved at first not knowing that her derrière was stuck

Next thing you know the guy is anxious to leave,
He wondered out loud what was causing this reprieve.
He peeked around the car to see her squirm and wiggle,
And neither one of them could suppress a mighty giggle.

But how to end the spectacle they couldn’t be quite sure,
They didn’t have a drop of drink to from the fender her butt lure.
He finally found an option, and thought he’d take a chance,
Asking her permission he unfastened his own pants.

So the moral of the story is to always be prepared,
Hauling tools, blankets, flares and any drink that can be spared.
Because you don’t know when trouble will hit that you could not foresee.
And you wouldn’t want your blind date to have to free your butt with pee.