An Oklahoma farmer dies and -- being a heathen -- goes to Hell.
When he gets there, it's 95 degrees Fahrenheit with 90% humidity, but Satan notices the farmer is kicked back on the brimstone, relaxing comfortably.
He asks, "Why aren't you miserable like everyone else here?"
The farmer replies, "Oh, this is like a warm spring day in southern Oklahoma. I like it."
Angrily, Satan turns up the thermostat until it's 100 degrees and 95% humidity. Still, the farmer's happy. "This is like a good June day on the farm. Not bad at all."
Furious, Satan turns it up to 105 degrees and 99% humidity. Everyone is even more miserable, except the Oklahoma farmer, still resting.
"Hey, this is like a good August day on the farm bailing hay -- feels good -- the hotter the better."
In a total rage, Satan turns the thermostat down to minus 25 degrees. Within seconds, the air becomes chilly and frost appears, soon followed by solid ice everywhere. Satan smirks, watching the farmer.
The confused farmer looks down at the frozen ground for a moment, suddenly jumps up excitedly, looks around everywhere and begins to laugh, scream, and jump for joy.
"OSU WON A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!"
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Cars v. Computers
Someone once said, "If the automobile industry had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $250 cars that got 200 miles to the gallon."
In response:
If cars were developed like Microsoft makes computers, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash ... twice a day.
2. Every time the state repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car to be compatible.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a routine maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine (you wouldn't have to buy a new engine, but it would take several hours ... After reinstalling the engine, all the other parts would have to be reinstalled as well.)
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads. (And would cost twice as much.)
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. (So would the brakes.)
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
In response:
If cars were developed like Microsoft makes computers, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash ... twice a day.
2. Every time the state repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car to be compatible.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a routine maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine (you wouldn't have to buy a new engine, but it would take several hours ... After reinstalling the engine, all the other parts would have to be reinstalled as well.)
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads. (And would cost twice as much.)
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. (So would the brakes.)
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
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